Hi friends! Happy April! I hope this month is off to a great start for you. Last month, we named March the month of unconditional love and acceptance, of ourselves. We said that we would direct all of our energies towards being good to ourselves, in order to have peace, trust, feel loved and make our dreams real. Specifically, I committed to focusing on forgiveness and acceptance of myself, as an act of self-love. You know, I didn’t know what to expect just because this is a goal that is very difficult to measure, it’s more so something that is felt and noticed. In order to make it easier to keep track of my progress I implemented a few self-love activates: every day I wrote down 8 things that I like about myself and three scenarios that happened during that day that I am proud of.
While implementing this self-love ritual, my sense of self definitely has shifted, I feel good about who I am, but I also feel safest knowing that even on my off days I can trust God to provide for all of my needs, and that where I am is where I am meant to be.
Acts of self-love are relaxing, they make you feel good, and while feeling good is awesome, it is not the greatest motivator for paradigm shifting change creation:
“There is a difference between feeling good and changing your life. Feeling good and validated doesn’t push you to reach your goals. To the contrary, it might even discourage you to stay mired in dysfunction” -John Bowers
The month of self-love led me to name this April, taking responsibility of our lives. During the last week of December, I flew out to New York to spend the last week of the year exploring the city and spending time with my family. During my explorations, I went to see the Broadway play “an American in Paris” In this play, there are two male main characters, and one female lead; Jerry Mulligan, Adam and Lise. The crowd related to Adams character the most; all of the characters are artists, but Adam is the only character who’s only source of sustenance is his artistry. He is the good guy who didn’t get the girl, the guy who gets the short end of the stick but maintains a positive attitude even so, and his character is very insightful, multi-talented and gifted. He is the well-deserved victim; that the entire audience related to him the most was an implication to myself that everyone feels like a victim; everyone feels as if they’ve got the short end of the stick, that their starting point is much worse than others, that everyone has it better than them, they feel behind; behind some invisible expectation. All of this is false.
Having a shitty upbringing doesn’t make you different, going through unfair circumstances and making poor decisions doesn’t make you different. We’ve all been through our fair share of nonsense, whether we’ve welcomed it into our lives or not. What does differentiate us, however, is our response to the bull-shit. Some people are in rehab because they’ve been deeply affected by constant rejection from their romantic partners, some people are trying to get through college while also having two parents that died before the age of nine and one committed suicide. This is the world that we live in. This is the world that we have created. Us humans—our ego’s and our desperation for unconditional love and unconditional trust—messed it up, and the only way to make it better is to 1. Love yourself and 2. Take responsibility for your life.
An American in Paris took place, in Paris following World War II. After the war ended families were broken, the parents of children died, the children of couples died, economies were completely wrecked, homes were burned down, business estates ruined. The fact that Italy, Germany and Japan surrendered and subsequently ended the World War did not take away the damage that was created by their choice to go to war with one another; their relationship is severely damaged and it will take years of trial and error to get to a new and healthy state together. Had they been more responsible with their emotions, their wounds and with the emotional vulnerability of one another, they could have avoided the tragedy that was inflicted on so many innocent citizens and negotiated a much more equitable present with fewer permanent losses. Had they been more responsible, maybe things would have turned out differently and for the better.
Our lives are no different. Making excuses doesn’t help anybody, even if it was a mistake, it was your mistake and the only way to learn from it is to own it. Take responsibility for it. Your intentions don’t matter, “but I was upset” “I was tired”, no matter your intentions or excuses, your actions have consequences and your intentions or excuses don’t stop those consequences from positively or negatively affecting the course of your life.
What does it look like for us to take responsibility for our lives? For me, it means successfully implementing a ritual. I’ve always wanted to implement this ritual where I wake up at 530 every morning, read and pray, go to yoga, come back home and write, and then get ready for work. Because I’ve always wanted to do it, taking responsibility for my life means, that I stop making excuses, and do it. And when I am making excuses, to own that I am actively participating in allowing my morning ritual daydreams, to remain a fantasy. It also means that I take responsibility when I’m engaging in bad habits, like when I’m wasting time aimlessly surfing the internet when I have a list of things to do that are much more worthy of the awesome woman that I am. What does it look like for you to take responsibility of your life? Please share with me below : )
With Love and Light,
You Know Who ❤