Feeling successful is not the result of accomplishment
feeling good enough is not the result of
becoming the person you’ve always wanted
it is the result of cherishing who you’ve always been

At this point in my life, I’ve gotten to cross off quite a few goals at the top of my bucket list:
I’ve watched the ball drop in New York on New Years Eve
I’ve seen Niagara Falls in Canada
Ive been to Paris
and London
I’m going to Hawaii Next Month
I’ve sang in front of crowds of people besides themselves
I’m learning the guitar
I’ve traveled one of the underground railroads of the African Slaves from Ohio to New York
I got my BA
and the list goes on.

And with as much momentary excitement as all of these experiences has offered me, the more experiences I get to have, the more I realize that, there is a part of me that expected to become more fulfilled and complete–over all–by these experiences.

There was a portion of me that wished “In New York, I will be Fulfilled. After I get my Bachelors degree, I will fell accomplished” and these wishes simply never came true.

if I can be at peace
then any place on earth is the best place on earth
if i can have joy
and dwell in the house of the Lord–that exists inside of me–everyday
then I can have what I’ve always been looking for

what we wish for
is a clean sleight
a new beginning
an atmosphere that doesn’t remind us of our mistakes so much

and we can get to that place
but it is not somewhere that we can travel to
we have to create that place within ourselves, all by ourself

we have to look at the present moment
dead in the face
and say
I’m ready to get my shit together

there’s no short cut or easy way out
no relationship or vacation will get you away from yourself
you have to face the music
face your music

-Amber B

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