boundaries, part o n e

this weekend my momma and I went to watch the movie girls trip together. [ spoiler alert ] it is a tale of four women who developed a strong bond of sisterhood during college and maintained those bonds post grad, but after years of an accumulation of words left unsaid and hurt feelings left unresolved, the conflict left unattended inevitably festered and became disease and broke those initially tight bonds. after five years passed of the friends not talking to one another, the girls decide to go on a girls trip to reconnect. this is the context of the movie [ end of spoiler ]

the beauty of their sisterhood was in their constant banter, sarcasm and jokes, loyalty, sticking up for one another and the emotional support. the ugly parts of their sisterhood were the distrust, the fear, the insecurity, the boundary over-stepping and the ego. they were the moments that did not inflict instantly gratifying emotions and the inevitable conflict that shines a light on the broken parts of ourselves that are disallowing our relationships to be as intimate as they potentially could be. despite the gold that was hidden underneath the ugly, the ugly was still plain ol’ fuckin ugly.

in the face of insecurity and ego, relationships are so frail. you meet acquaintances that you adore and then mutually pursue a friendship because you like one another. Once you’ve reached that friendship faze, there are so many nuances that can get in the way of simply having and innocent friendship: vulnerability, support, laughter and shared time. sometimes it is the need to feel better than others that disallows us to show ourself fully, scales and all. Maybe boundaries aren’t being respected and this makes us feel unseen by our friends.

I reached a friendship-crossroads a bit ago. in the past i had tons of friendships and would rarely complain about any shortcomings. this is because i was too busy blaming myself for any source of tension and was a people pleaser with no boundaries, child i let everything slide. but—as i often say on this blog—because this friendship foundation was not made of 100% truth it inevitably crumbled.

after years of neglecting my wants and needs in relationships, one day i looked up and found a very angry person. i was angry at literally everyone—and secretly myself as well—for years of overstepping my boundaries. it wasn’t about my inability to speak up; i had in the past and many of these friends (many of whom are now only acquaintances or less) would fail to take responsibility for their actions or instead let their ego lead even more and pointed the finger back at me. child.

once i finally accepted how out of things had gotten, i began to slowly make changes:

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